Today marks an anniversary for me, one unlike any other. It has been one year since my feet were knocked out from underneath me with crippling fear, depression and anxiety. But I mark it as the one year anniversary, God picked me up and put me on a solid ground that I would have never found without Him leading and guiding me out of that pit last year. The good and the bad in my life I am thankful for, for without all of these tests and trials I would not be who I am. I truly feel I am becoming the woman God created me to be and unfortunately, it took a crisis in my life to stop and realize what was going on.
God didn't bring those things into my life, but He was there just waiting for me to ask Him for help. Thank God, I asked and He answered me! So I am going to show you a few excerpts of my journal from the last year and the growth that poured out from giving my all to Him. Just think of the changes God could do in you in just one year!
May 2012 ( I didn't begin to journal until 2 months after my darkest moments and when I realized God had a plan through all of this)
"My faith is being tested, my worth is feeling like it needs to be proved, and I have allowed my feelings and emotions to rule...But God had other plans than to allow me to self-destruct."
"I am beginning to take different passages of scripture and meditating on it and memorizing it..."We demolish every argument and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God and we take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ" 2 Cor. 10:5....Anything entering my mind better be God- driven and anointed or it is not welcome. If I don't start with changing my mindset and keeping it rooted in holiness....then God's word will not penetrate my soul and mind like I want it too."
"There are enough frazzled, stressed out moms and wives in this world as it is. I choose not to be one of them! There is only one of me and one life to live and I choose to live a life of righteousness and advance God's kingdom through the testimony of my life and abilities. No longer will I cower from the future and all of its uncertainties but I will embrace it with hope and expectation for all the possibilities and opportunities it will present!"
"...opposition wanted to greatly bring me down, I resisted...Everyday a new layer gets peeled off like an onion, and everyday I get stronger."
"...When things don't seem to make sense I need to stop trying to figure out why. Satan wants nothing more than to keep ME on my mind...If I can stop and recognize the distractions and interruptions for what they are and push through them to continue the good work God has called me to do...Satan will give up....Thank you Lord for hearing my prayer for wisdom and being so faithful to give it."
"It's been a rough 24 hours...my heart was pounding and I wasn't sleeping..I asked God to still my heart and help me trust in Him...I fell to sleep and awoke with a new attitude. I spoke my armor over myself and let the Holy Spirit work. I will not give up! I will pass this test!"
"I will continue to seek after all God has for me despite my progress at times, seeming fast or slow. Although I am not perfect, I know I am not who I used to be...I am no longer on milk, but solid food...When I lose my way, stop, ask God for help and He will always put me back on track."
"Lord here I am! Send me!...The message of hope and deliverance (in my heart) needs to be brought to the world...Give me a heart of compassion for other women. Break down my barriers...God, I give you my insecurities, fears and anxieties...let my fruit produce...I don't want to keep it in but share!
"I know that the rest of my life will be better than the previous...I am blessed."