"...all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be" Psalm 139:16
I have always been a "Dear Diary" kind of girl. I loved getting that new diary for my birthday with its empty pages of unwritten adventures and crushes I had yet to experience. With it's shiny gold lock and key I knew that whatever I put in there would be my business and no one else's with every intent to keep it away from my parents and nosy big brother.
When I got engaged my diary turned more into note-keeping of my life. I have loose leaf papers shoved into the back of my bible that contain sermon notes, goals and dreams I had for my new marriage and even a few love notes passed between me and my future husband during that time. This is where I also began to write more expressively of what was in my heart and soul. I wrote with the hope that God also heard me.
After I had my second son, I received a journal at a MOPS meeting advising me to write down any and all questions I might have to share with my mentor MOP mom. She was suppose to read it in private and either discuss it with me or journal back a response. I still struggled immensely with sharing anything with anyone, other than God, and I chose to keep the journal to myself. I wrote through every single one of those pages during the five years I was a stay at home mom and wrote about more than just myself. I began to journal my responses and feelings about things going on in the world and how other people might be affected and how my Christian faith helped to play a role in my life. I began to see my faith lived out more in my words than I ever saw it come out of my actual mouth. I thought, Share my faith? What if I were to offend? People will laugh at me. But after a few passionate journal entries I thought were too good to share, I began reading them out loud to my husband. Would you believe even then, I was terribly nervous to read it to the man that loves me more than I deserve? Thinking he would judge me and be critical of my viewpoints, I was instead met with enthusiasm and encouragement.
So after filling out that journal, I bought another one. My writings began to be a way I spoke to God and He spoke to me. This was about two years ago when he laid it on my heart to start a blog. He began to prod me to share with other women what I was learning and receiving in Him. He wanted me to let other women know I wasn't more special than them. This salvation, this hope I have and freedom I have in Christ is for everyone! So extremely nervous and afraid of being judged I began this blog anyway. I don't have a million followers but know the women that are suppose to read this already are. It will grow according to the Holy Spirit's leading and guiding.
Then came the kicker....a few months later, I felt the call to write Arm Yourself and lead the women's bible studies at church. So I incorporated both and wrote a bible study on the Armor of God and led it. Can you say nervous?!?!? I was, but God's anointing was all over it! I used the study then as a format to finish my book over the next year and a half.
Now here I am with a book in publishing and planning a marketing and platform strategy. God had been building my platform this whole time!! He had me start with baby step number one, then number two and so on and so forth. He was equipping me and preparing me for what was next. All He asked me to do was be obedient. I needed to learn how to put on my Armor through this whole process because as Joyce Meyer says, "New level, new devil". I have overcome so much insecurity and discouragement and God met me every step of the way with a new word and a fresh word to keep me going.
In Beth Moore's book, When Godly People Do Ungodly Things, she says "A big mouth for Jesus with virtually no armor is like a red flag waving at a demon-possessed bull...From the evil one's perspective, only one thing appears worse than someone who equips him-or herself with the Word- someone who convinces others to equip themselves too."
So now there is the possibility that my next step in growing out of my comfort zone is to begin actually SPEAKING my testimony. I know that if God calls me to it, He will bring me through it. I say all this to say that baby steps whether slow going or fast, are there to help us grow and help us to conquer that next battle and reach that next level in our relationship with God.
What is God calling you to do? Where are you allowing your insecurities to rule instead of the Holy Spirit? Bring this matter to the Lord in prayer and ask Him to remove what can sometimes be your biggest obstacle...YOU! Take that first baby step of obedience today and see what doors God may open for you tomorrow.
Oh Fear (My God is Near)- Moriah Peters